Monday, July 20, 2009

Feeling Fragile

Today has been a long, tiring, emotional type of day
One that has left me feeling a little on edge and fragile
Lots of reasons, the weather a factor, just to show that it’s not too heavy lol
But now I will ramble, get it out and put my thoughts here, cos that is what I do

This morning Elizabeth had her Occupational Therapy and Physio appointments
For whatever reason she gets really hyper in these sessions and just doesn’t sit or concentrate well
It’s makes the sessions hard and you know that she can do so much better but what can you do
Today her physio said that the next session would be Elizabeth’s last because she had got to the levels that we needed her to get to, which is wonderful, fantastic and I am so proud of her BUT…
It’s daunting, and scary, knowing that this is it
That we have reached a milestone
From here on in it is up to Elizabeth to do what she can to try
From here on in it is up to Elizabeth to develop skills that will help her face the future
From here on in it is up to Elizabeth to figure out how to do things the best way possible for herself
From here on it it is up to Elizabeth to maintain the level that she has reached and to aim for new goals

As a parent it’s hard to watch your child go through hard things
As a parent of a kid who has physical problems it’s hard to step out with the realisation there is nothing you can do to change the ‘problems’ all you can do is help them develop the tools to learn, grow and overcome hurdles that may come their way
As a parent you have people to help you to find the tools that will help your child and when the journey becomes just you again it is scary 
This year has been, for me, a lot about having my support base removed
It’s been about learning that there will be times when I have to battle through knowing there isn’t anyone to help me, anyone who can take the load and that when things come tumbling down I HAVE to get right back up again because the structure known as family won’t stand well if I don’t have a firm footing
This year, so far, has been a tough one and there has been zip I could do to change that. All I could do was change my thinking, my self focus and realise that what I have right in front of me is what matters most, yup my family

So this afternoon my thoughts, of Elizabeth, were put onto paper and this page, using the One Little Word prompt “Why”


I used scraps of pattern paper,


grabbed some of the gorgeous Such Sweet Tierney and Jenni Bowlin chipboard buttons


Some thickers, an Amy Butler butterfly


Some Pink Paislee chipboard shapes and a Library Card holder that Elizabeth gave me from school, it had a little note in it :) so that seemed an ideal addition to hold the journaling


Click on the journaling if it’s too small to read :)


Seems like forever since I have scrapped and it felt soooo good to get this one out, especially today when it was raw. To put these thoughts into words, words just for her. Was a needed vent and one that I hope she ‘hears’ in the future and that is one of the reasons I scrapbook.

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  1. {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

    What a beautiful post, your love for your precious girl shines. It's not always easy being a mumma and watching their struggles, you're doing a wonderful job.

    God bless you!
    Chrissy x

  2. *sigh* I think U and BOTH need to give each other hugs!!! I soooooooooooooooooooo wish I could be there for U!! U are truly an amazing woman!!!! Loveeeeeeeee your olw....just wow wow U u! :):):):):):):):):):):):)

  3. sending you a big hug and lots of love. i'm so proud of Elizabeth. and you and Dave (and the girls). she couldn't have a better family and more support and love. kudos to all of you.

    i love the layout. nice touch adding the library card that she gave you.

    you inspire me in more ways than you can imagine. with your art,of course, but your love for your family, your faith, and life itself.

  4. Oh, Sharmaine. Wish I could give you a hug. I have noticed that my son gets quite hyper too when it is time for speech therapy as does my daughter when we go to therapy to deal with the Asperger's. I often feel frustrated when I walk away from there. I am not sure what I will do on the day that the therapists say, "there is nothing more we can do."

    Just know that children are resilient and can overcome more challenges than we give them credit for.

    Next year you will look back at this post, and you will look at your dear Elizabeth, and you will see how far she has come since today's milestone. I just know it.

  5. unbelievable powerful & beautiful althought your pain must be so so hard. you are one strong beautiful woman and she's lucky to have you as a mommy that's for sure! thanks for playing along again and thanks for letting your emotions out, this is why i love scrapbooking and how it can help us. thanks Sharmaine!

  6. Hey Sharmaine ... just sending hugs n love to you! Totally know what you are going through. I dread the day when Jonathan is unable to attend special school anymore come 18yo. With Elizabeth, she's just like any ordinary child because you have put in so much work for her and I believe, with God's help, she can be an achiever! God will open doors for you where others shut them. God bless you and your family!

  7. What a wonderful LO and what touching journaling!!!! I can feel your pain....your joy and your love for your precious daughter!!!!! You are such a wonderful Mother and your daughter will know this through your love for her!!! Thank you for taking the time to send support to us in the most trying time....we will get through this one step at a time!!! Thanks again and have a great day!!! Gob Bless! :)

  8. Sharmaine today you had me in tears for your dear girl and mine. You have summed up my feelings so well, I should copy and past your post to my blog lol. No seriously I have been feeling very alone even with my hubby by my side, this year has been so hard but I can't seem to focus on anything but her future and then I get depressed. Elizabeth is so beautiful and like my Georgina she will get far in life because she has her mum who loves and supports her. Take care of your dear family Sharmaine and yourself. Belinda xxx

  9. Sharmaine, I wish I could come and give you some big hugs as I can empathize with you and feel your pain as we too have gone through a similar journey with our youngest daughter. She will always have struggles too but we are so proud of her - she has and is still learning skills to adapt and contribute to life, but has grown into such a lovely caring young lady and Elizabeth will be fine too because she has wonderful loving parents and an extended family who really love her and want the best for her and will always be there to help and support her and instill in her the attributes in life which are the most important. Just wanting you to know that I know that fragile feeling well at the moment, and I will be praying for you my friend.

  10. Gorgeous layout!!!!

  11. What a fabulous layout and a powerful story behind it.

    Stay strong! Hugs, Y.

  12. Visiting for the first time (saw you over at Cocoa Daisy) and what a powerfull lay out I stumbled into..., gorgeous! The journaling is right from the heart, I love it!!! Glad I found you!

  13. Heyy beaudiful Sharmaine !!
    love love love your know that eventhough we all have different styles, different people always trigger in us some other kind of inspiration and you are one of them.
    and sooo sorry to hear all this and it's hard enough for some people to deal with kids growing normally but i can imagine even harder when you need more help on a different level. But you are a strong and a beaudiful person and there's always somewhere, someone who helps or who will help :)
    Thinking of you :)

    Brigitte xxx

  14. Absolutely gorgeous layout and your journaling is so obviously from your heart - thanks so much for sharing it. And what wonderful inspiration this page will be to your daughter in the years to come... Blessings, Jan (from SIStv and a fellow wordster...)

  15. great layout Sharmaine and my heart goes out to you and your little girl and family. She is so lucky to have a momma like you! I do know how hard it can be to be a advocate for your child. Sometimes the pressure is overwhelming but that's when we have to remember we are'nt fully in charge. He's watching out for her to-and she was perfectly made.

  16. superb sharmaine...absolutely superb artwise (as always)...but what always pulls me to your work is your unbelievable heart & this is a prime example...your heart (even in it's raw & ragged state) is right there on that page & it is magnificent...truly inspirational

    i think denise said it best. remember we are never alone, it is He who always walks right by our side (and sometimes even carries us :)

    love to you my tasmanian friend :)



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